A CITY COLLEGES OF CHICAGO TOWNHALL MEETING

No one has the right to be abusive in relationship. If you are concerned about whether you are in an abusive relationship, ask these questions, considered to be warning signs of a problem.

• Was there violence in her family of origin?
• Does she have mood swings, where one moment she's feel loving and affectionate, and the next moment angry and threatening?
• Has she humiliated you in front of others?
• Does she anger easily when drinking or on drugs?
• During conflict does she often threaten or ignore you, destroy personal property or sentimental items, slam doors, or leave?
• Has she threaten to hurt you or the children?
• Has she ever used physical violence (scream at, slap, punch, hit, kick, grab, shove, shake, choke, bite or otherwise abuse) you, the children or any past partners?
• Has she used or threaten to use a weapon against you?
• Is she a very jealous person?
• Does she regularly accuse you of being unfaithful?
• Does she "track" all of your time?
• Does she try to control how you think, dress, who you see, how you spend your time, how you spend your money?
• Does she try to discourage you from seeing your family or friends?
• Does she get angry or resentful when you are successful in a job or hobby?
• Does she prevent you from working or attending school?
• Does her conversation ever escalate into threats of separation or divorce?
• Does she ever threaten to hurt you, herself, or others, if you talk about leaving her?
• Does she criticize you for little things?
• Does she do or say things that are designed to make you feel "incompetent", "crazy" or "stupid"?
• Does she blame alcohol, drugs, stress, the children, others, especially you, or other life events for her behavior?
• Does she feel guilty after aggressive behavior and strive for your forgiveness?
• Does she think that she could never live without you, yet other times wants you out?
• Does she force you to have sex against your will?
• Does she use sex or other favors as a way to "make up" after conflict?
• Does she control all finances and force you to account in detail for what you spend?
• Are you sometimes afraid of her?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, you are in a potentially abusive relationship and should talk with police, social services (especially if children are getting abused), a therapist, minister or friend. Realize that you are not alone, there are other men who are abused by their wives or girl friends. The second thing is to know that you simply don't deserve to be treated like that. You also need to know And they do need to know sources of help -- though unfortunately, they're often individual counselors and not groups.Now, switch the words in the list from she/her/etc. to you. If you review these questions and answer yes to any of them, seek help for yourself. Start with Alternatives to Violence Resources (Includes services for male and female perpetrators and male and female victims) More information and signs to look for can be found at http://blainn.cc/abuse/index.html